How?

How do I get over you if you call me on Sundays? How do I get over you if I answer the phone? How do I get over you if every time I watch some silly chick flick where girl gets boy, I keep thinking about you and me and start to cry because I had you and then lost you? How do I move on, when I keep thinking about you? And why are you calling me? I know you care about me, but you essentially told me you didn't love me anymore, at least, not the same way that I love(-d) you. So, what's going on?

And what am I going to do about the rest of my "romantic" life, huh? Where I have two guys that are after me, and yes, I am kind of viewing it as a problem. Because I want to man juggle, but I don't think that I have it in me. Especially if sex becomes involved. Because like any normal hotblooded female (I hate that phrase) I think about sex, and I rather like having it. But, I'm not going to be so capricious about it (name that movie!) that I just well, jump into the sack with one or both of these guys. (not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind...well, at least, it did today. After 2 dates w/ just a smooch and then a 3rd date with an actual kiss (a great kiss), and then seeing each other last night after the party--Young'En tried to get me out of my cute LBD from the party. Meanwhile, after the party (like, right after) Guy tried to get me to come over for some "hanging out"--yeah, the sexual tension apparently was NOT taken care of). I chose Young'En last night because I'd already told him I'd see him after the party.

This week I'm probably going to get myself into more trouble in this department. I'm going to a movie release/premiere thingie w/ Young'En tomorrow. Guy invited me over for dinner on Tuesday. I know that for some of you out there I probably sound like some sort of incredibly lucky snot b/c I have more than one man who's interested in me, and there is a part of me who knows that this is damn cool, but the other freakishly over-analyzer part of me who thinks every thing to DEATH and who on some level really doesn't know what to do with guys...she's setting up for a big panic. And it's like I can't stop myself from this stuff--I can't stop the whirlwind that is me. A lot of it is b/c I don't want to. I like the attention. I like feeling this way and I know that I'm better than this--that having guys like me shouldn't be so important, but yet...aren't all of we females like this? In some ways, in some instances? Or is it just me, the Low Self Esteem Queen, ruling over my land of romantic mishaps all of which are my own doing.

And yet...how do I stop thinking about you? How? And why is it that I can't just ask you what you're doing & why it feels like you now are the one that doesn't want to let go?