HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Tomorrow morning, at the ass crack of dawn I'm sure, my whole family (ma, pa & the bro) will pile into ma's Subaru and travel 4 hours into the neighboring state for a very crowded dinner at my aunt and uncles house. We will travel BACK home sometime tomorrow night. Yup, we're holiday day trippers. I'm excited for a family meal--not something I've had in the past 5 yrs or so. (sad, huh?)

*SIGH* Well...typically the murphy's law in my life is that I brag or boast or whatever about something and it all crumbles to bits. Yup, there is no more making out to be done with guy. We talked last night and he said he didn't think we should continue doing what we're doing or go any further before we get out of hand (not the exact words, but the gist). And, part of me was caught off guard, but the other part of me had known this was coming (I got a weird vibe on Monday...over the phone no less). And while the blow to the ego stings a bit, what I'm really upset about is that now I've no more distraction. Leaving me free to wallow in my depression about Justin. Yup, I'd been putting it off and so while I was a bit hurt and disappointed last night after the phone call with guy, I immediately burst into tears because I knew I wanted to talk to Justin about this and couldn't. And the fact that I can't talk to him anymore because we're now officially not part of each other's lives, that's what really really hurts. I miss him and I know that I just need to move on, but my long time friends will tell you this--Amy moving on is a LONG DRAWN OUT painful process. One that seems to be damn near impossible. Amy doesn't move on well. (Right Wiccachicky?) For the most part I'm not a stubborn person (I don't think at least), EXCEPT when it comes to relationships. I hate to give up on somone or something relationship related because that for me feels like the biggest failure. I'm such a people oriented person that feeling like a relationship has failed sends me into a panic. I'm NOT good at letting go and sometimes when I feel something start to slip I'll hold on tighter--picture me with my arms and legs wrapped around something, like you used to do with your mom or dad's leg when you were little, like 5? That's me. I have friends who seemingly will let relationships and people slip out of their lives with relative ease and while I know that it's not entirely the case, they're still able to do it. And yes, I know that I'll be better off doing so, but that logical self-preservationist side of my brain is very quiet compared to the rest of the shouting in my head.

So, without my distraction, what I'm trying to say is that it's going to be a long un-fun, very painful getting over Justin process.

Okay, I'm going to go eat some lunch now....