Okay, knowing some of you out there, you're probably wanting detes related to my previous post. And, because I've been stewing over this, I'm going to write about it. And, yes, for all intents and purposes, I know that it's only been technically a week since Justin and I have been officially 100% broken up. But (and this may seem an excuse, but to me it's a justification or a caveat or something along those lines) for all practical purposes, we've been apart since October 2005. And, after the Xmas visit, things began to go downhill for us. Since I'm a champion in the Olympic sport of Denial (it's kinda a hush-hush event), I kept holding on. Yet, at the same time, I was thinking many times about "what if" we broke up, and was checking out more guys, etc etc. So...anyway...
The guy I've been making out with (and a little more, but for me the making out is the best, the chocolate syrup on top) is someone I met over the summer. He's a friend of a friend, and we actually exchanged numbers back then, but neither one of us did anything, b/c I was still with Justin (and firmly entrenched in Denail Camp).
During a HUGE game for the home state college football team (which we'd hyped up as being able to win, but got soundly beaten instead), a bunch of us went out for mutual friend's birthday. At the celebration and game watching, guy and I were talking and flirting and then for the rest of the evening had a heated (not in an argument way) text msg exchange. That night, I joined the birthday girl and some pals (including my ex-Tony) at a dance club. Guy did not come with, but instead went to some other shindig. At dance club, I made out with random 24-yr old guy b/c he was going to be shipped to Iraq in a few wks. It was his going away party--I was doing my patriotic duty. That week Justin and I had started fighting about why we were still together, and me being me, I didn't want to end it, but yet was unhappy and feeling frustrated enough that I looked for attention from someone else. (and, somewhat alarming--after a discussion with another friend that was there that night at dance club, he believes ex-Tony still has feelings for me...oy...not a complication I need or want right now).
(hey, are you guys confused yet? I love being vague!)
Anyway...so after dance club night, guy and I start talking on the phone and texting, but not much more beyond that, b/c again...roadblocks. I must confess to being intrigued and attracted though, and I KNOW he was.
Nothing happened till Election Day 2006. That's when we started making out. Good god, this has been SO fantastic. Yes, there is passion when there is sex, but for me the true passion has always been with that meeting of lips, the urgent tension that builds up, and the times when you can spend a good hour just well, uh, rolling around on the couch, tilting heads and moving arms and you're joined at the lips. It's entirely possible we look like we're eating each other's faces off (which I always mock in the movies), and sometimes I get a bad case of stubble burn, but ooh, it's been worth it. And good gollylolly, guy would kiss my neck all night long if possible. WHOO DAWGIES! That is SUCH my weakness: a well done kiss (or kisses) on the neck. What's even more awesome is that he will suck, like I'm going to get a hickey (anyone feel like they're in high school again with that word?) but yet I have NO marks on me. *ooh shiver* One of my favorite things ever is to suck on bottom lips and I love it when it's reciprocated. He caught onto that trick fast. And, while I love the passion involved in making out, I also love to change the pace of things too, and do quick little kisses, and kisses on the cheek and forehead. Caught onto that too. It's just that much nicer when the guy you're making out with is a quick study and can adapt so that your kissing styles mesh. [one fun side note--guy told mutual friend (the birthday girl) that I'm a great kisser. tee hee]
So...yes, I've been making out, a lot. And, some of these incidences have not involved a sober Amy. But, there has been no taking advantage of, I assure you. Perhaps it's a little soon for me to be doing anything like this, with anyone, but at the same time...it has been SO long since I felt like anyone felt I was attractive or worth kissing or anything. The last time I went to go visit Justin, we hardly kissed at all (after awhile, I started to feel like he thought I'm a bad kisser, and there's not greater blow to the ego). And, I also felt like well, I got a pity fuck during that trip. Yeah, really felt the love, lemme tell you.
As for what's going on now...I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I'm looking to get out of this. I know that moving into an actual relationship with anyone right now would be DUMB. But, I also know myself well enough to realize that I'm not very good at separating attraction from emotion. So, how long I can keep this on a purely physical level, I don't know. And, I don't know what guy is thinking or wanting to get out of this either, but I know I don't want to hurt him. He DOES know the basics about Justin and I, so it's not like he went into this situation blind. And, guy is really nice and really funny. And, maybe I just need a transitional type of thing right now. I think part of my problem is that at 28, I have the mindset that anybody I date or whatever, should be a possible marriage contender. And maybe that's a foolhardy mindset to be in. Whatever...
I just know that right now I feel really really damn hot, and sometimes hot and bothered. And if and when I decide to sleep with this guy, it'll be because I'm ready to do so (either b/c I'm ready to get some, or I'm ready to, in the other more-than-physical sense).
Anyone have any idea how I bring up my musings about what we're doing, exactly, to guy though? I thought about sending him a questionnaire thru MySpace about it, like this...
"When talking about me to someone else, you refer to me as:
a) this hot girl I'm dating
b) this hot girl I'm seeing (a lower level of exclusivity is implied here)
c) this hot girl I'm friends with/hanging out with
d) this hot girl I'm making out with
e) this hot girl I'm trying to get into bed'
See? I think that's kinda funny...but, I probably will just grow a pair and bring it up the next time we're hanging out. Saturday night he had me over for supper--he made homemade chicken noodle soup and we split a bottle of wine. We then went over to his friends' house to watch football and UFC. Friday night we watched Grey's Anatomy at his place (he hasn't come over to my place yet, b/c for me that's more vulnerable AND my apt is a COMPLETE pit) b/c he DVR'd Thursdays episode for me. So, we've been hanging out quite a bit. We watched Heroes last wk together (I LOVE this show), and tonight's episode looks kick-ass but I'm not sure if I'm going over there or what...
So, for now I'm muddling through on the glow that I like this guy and I sure like how he makes me feel, but beyond that, I'm not sure what I think. But, I think I'm going to think s'more about how he kisses my neck, b/c that's certainly better than thinking about work while I'm at work.
C'iao!
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5 comments:
EEEK!! I have to call you later!
Never lost me once!! hee hee hee. I've made a deal with myself, if said kisser is bad that is it, no more will ever happen. But if said kisser is GOOOOD, the door does open up to possibly more for me. I hate bad kissers.
Hope things work out for you!!
Just because you make out with someone, does not mean to have to marry them or get into a committed relationship with them. Sit back, relax, enjoy the show. It may lead somewhere, it may not, but the important thing is you are having fun!
Good for you girly! It's nice to hear you're feeling good and moving on. Keep having fun!!!!! (And listen to Wicca...she said it best!)
i'm so glad you are having a good time. it seems this is just what you needed. don't overanalize!
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