Tomorrow morning, at the ass crack of dawn I'm sure, my whole family (ma, pa & the bro) will pile into ma's Subaru and travel 4 hours into the neighboring state for a very crowded dinner at my aunt and uncles house. We will travel BACK home sometime tomorrow night. Yup, we're holiday day trippers. I'm excited for a family meal--not something I've had in the past 5 yrs or so. (sad, huh?)
*SIGH* Well...typically the murphy's law in my life is that I brag or boast or whatever about something and it all crumbles to bits. Yup, there is no more making out to be done with guy. We talked last night and he said he didn't think we should continue doing what we're doing or go any further before we get out of hand (not the exact words, but the gist). And, part of me was caught off guard, but the other part of me had known this was coming (I got a weird vibe on Monday...over the phone no less). And while the blow to the ego stings a bit, what I'm really upset about is that now I've no more distraction. Leaving me free to wallow in my depression about Justin. Yup, I'd been putting it off and so while I was a bit hurt and disappointed last night after the phone call with guy, I immediately burst into tears because I knew I wanted to talk to Justin about this and couldn't. And the fact that I can't talk to him anymore because we're now officially not part of each other's lives, that's what really really hurts. I miss him and I know that I just need to move on, but my long time friends will tell you this--Amy moving on is a LONG DRAWN OUT painful process. One that seems to be damn near impossible. Amy doesn't move on well. (Right Wiccachicky?) For the most part I'm not a stubborn person (I don't think at least), EXCEPT when it comes to relationships. I hate to give up on somone or something relationship related because that for me feels like the biggest failure. I'm such a people oriented person that feeling like a relationship has failed sends me into a panic. I'm NOT good at letting go and sometimes when I feel something start to slip I'll hold on tighter--picture me with my arms and legs wrapped around something, like you used to do with your mom or dad's leg when you were little, like 5? That's me. I have friends who seemingly will let relationships and people slip out of their lives with relative ease and while I know that it's not entirely the case, they're still able to do it. And yes, I know that I'll be better off doing so, but that logical self-preservationist side of my brain is very quiet compared to the rest of the shouting in my head.
So, without my distraction, what I'm trying to say is that it's going to be a long un-fun, very painful getting over Justin process.
Okay, I'm going to go eat some lunch now....
Showing posts with label making out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label making out. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
WARNING: the following may contain bragging and other information that you may be better off not knowing...
Okay, knowing some of you out there, you're probably wanting detes related to my previous post. And, because I've been stewing over this, I'm going to write about it. And, yes, for all intents and purposes, I know that it's only been technically a week since Justin and I have been officially 100% broken up. But (and this may seem an excuse, but to me it's a justification or a caveat or something along those lines) for all practical purposes, we've been apart since October 2005. And, after the Xmas visit, things began to go downhill for us. Since I'm a champion in the Olympic sport of Denial (it's kinda a hush-hush event), I kept holding on. Yet, at the same time, I was thinking many times about "what if" we broke up, and was checking out more guys, etc etc. So...anyway...
The guy I've been making out with (and a little more, but for me the making out is the best, the chocolate syrup on top) is someone I met over the summer. He's a friend of a friend, and we actually exchanged numbers back then, but neither one of us did anything, b/c I was still with Justin (and firmly entrenched in Denail Camp).
During a HUGE game for the home state college football team (which we'd hyped up as being able to win, but got soundly beaten instead), a bunch of us went out for mutual friend's birthday. At the celebration and game watching, guy and I were talking and flirting and then for the rest of the evening had a heated (not in an argument way) text msg exchange. That night, I joined the birthday girl and some pals (including my ex-Tony) at a dance club. Guy did not come with, but instead went to some other shindig. At dance club, I made out with random 24-yr old guy b/c he was going to be shipped to Iraq in a few wks. It was his going away party--I was doing my patriotic duty. That week Justin and I had started fighting about why we were still together, and me being me, I didn't want to end it, but yet was unhappy and feeling frustrated enough that I looked for attention from someone else. (and, somewhat alarming--after a discussion with another friend that was there that night at dance club, he believes ex-Tony still has feelings for me...oy...not a complication I need or want right now).
(hey, are you guys confused yet? I love being vague!)
Anyway...so after dance club night, guy and I start talking on the phone and texting, but not much more beyond that, b/c again...roadblocks. I must confess to being intrigued and attracted though, and I KNOW he was.
Nothing happened till Election Day 2006. That's when we started making out. Good god, this has been SO fantastic. Yes, there is passion when there is sex, but for me the true passion has always been with that meeting of lips, the urgent tension that builds up, and the times when you can spend a good hour just well, uh, rolling around on the couch, tilting heads and moving arms and you're joined at the lips. It's entirely possible we look like we're eating each other's faces off (which I always mock in the movies), and sometimes I get a bad case of stubble burn, but ooh, it's been worth it. And good gollylolly, guy would kiss my neck all night long if possible. WHOO DAWGIES! That is SUCH my weakness: a well done kiss (or kisses) on the neck. What's even more awesome is that he will suck, like I'm going to get a hickey (anyone feel like they're in high school again with that word?) but yet I have NO marks on me. *ooh shiver* One of my favorite things ever is to suck on bottom lips and I love it when it's reciprocated. He caught onto that trick fast. And, while I love the passion involved in making out, I also love to change the pace of things too, and do quick little kisses, and kisses on the cheek and forehead. Caught onto that too. It's just that much nicer when the guy you're making out with is a quick study and can adapt so that your kissing styles mesh. [one fun side note--guy told mutual friend (the birthday girl) that I'm a great kisser. tee hee]
So...yes, I've been making out, a lot. And, some of these incidences have not involved a sober Amy. But, there has been no taking advantage of, I assure you. Perhaps it's a little soon for me to be doing anything like this, with anyone, but at the same time...it has been SO long since I felt like anyone felt I was attractive or worth kissing or anything. The last time I went to go visit Justin, we hardly kissed at all (after awhile, I started to feel like he thought I'm a bad kisser, and there's not greater blow to the ego). And, I also felt like well, I got a pity fuck during that trip. Yeah, really felt the love, lemme tell you.
As for what's going on now...I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I'm looking to get out of this. I know that moving into an actual relationship with anyone right now would be DUMB. But, I also know myself well enough to realize that I'm not very good at separating attraction from emotion. So, how long I can keep this on a purely physical level, I don't know. And, I don't know what guy is thinking or wanting to get out of this either, but I know I don't want to hurt him. He DOES know the basics about Justin and I, so it's not like he went into this situation blind. And, guy is really nice and really funny. And, maybe I just need a transitional type of thing right now. I think part of my problem is that at 28, I have the mindset that anybody I date or whatever, should be a possible marriage contender. And maybe that's a foolhardy mindset to be in. Whatever...
I just know that right now I feel really really damn hot, and sometimes hot and bothered. And if and when I decide to sleep with this guy, it'll be because I'm ready to do so (either b/c I'm ready to get some, or I'm ready to, in the other more-than-physical sense).
Anyone have any idea how I bring up my musings about what we're doing, exactly, to guy though? I thought about sending him a questionnaire thru MySpace about it, like this...
"When talking about me to someone else, you refer to me as:
a) this hot girl I'm dating
b) this hot girl I'm seeing (a lower level of exclusivity is implied here)
c) this hot girl I'm friends with/hanging out with
d) this hot girl I'm making out with
e) this hot girl I'm trying to get into bed'
See? I think that's kinda funny...but, I probably will just grow a pair and bring it up the next time we're hanging out. Saturday night he had me over for supper--he made homemade chicken noodle soup and we split a bottle of wine. We then went over to his friends' house to watch football and UFC. Friday night we watched Grey's Anatomy at his place (he hasn't come over to my place yet, b/c for me that's more vulnerable AND my apt is a COMPLETE pit) b/c he DVR'd Thursdays episode for me. So, we've been hanging out quite a bit. We watched Heroes last wk together (I LOVE this show), and tonight's episode looks kick-ass but I'm not sure if I'm going over there or what...
So, for now I'm muddling through on the glow that I like this guy and I sure like how he makes me feel, but beyond that, I'm not sure what I think. But, I think I'm going to think s'more about how he kisses my neck, b/c that's certainly better than thinking about work while I'm at work.
C'iao!
The guy I've been making out with (and a little more, but for me the making out is the best, the chocolate syrup on top) is someone I met over the summer. He's a friend of a friend, and we actually exchanged numbers back then, but neither one of us did anything, b/c I was still with Justin (and firmly entrenched in Denail Camp).
During a HUGE game for the home state college football team (which we'd hyped up as being able to win, but got soundly beaten instead), a bunch of us went out for mutual friend's birthday. At the celebration and game watching, guy and I were talking and flirting and then for the rest of the evening had a heated (not in an argument way) text msg exchange. That night, I joined the birthday girl and some pals (including my ex-Tony) at a dance club. Guy did not come with, but instead went to some other shindig. At dance club, I made out with random 24-yr old guy b/c he was going to be shipped to Iraq in a few wks. It was his going away party--I was doing my patriotic duty. That week Justin and I had started fighting about why we were still together, and me being me, I didn't want to end it, but yet was unhappy and feeling frustrated enough that I looked for attention from someone else. (and, somewhat alarming--after a discussion with another friend that was there that night at dance club, he believes ex-Tony still has feelings for me...oy...not a complication I need or want right now).
(hey, are you guys confused yet? I love being vague!)
Anyway...so after dance club night, guy and I start talking on the phone and texting, but not much more beyond that, b/c again...roadblocks. I must confess to being intrigued and attracted though, and I KNOW he was.
Nothing happened till Election Day 2006. That's when we started making out. Good god, this has been SO fantastic. Yes, there is passion when there is sex, but for me the true passion has always been with that meeting of lips, the urgent tension that builds up, and the times when you can spend a good hour just well, uh, rolling around on the couch, tilting heads and moving arms and you're joined at the lips. It's entirely possible we look like we're eating each other's faces off (which I always mock in the movies), and sometimes I get a bad case of stubble burn, but ooh, it's been worth it. And good gollylolly, guy would kiss my neck all night long if possible. WHOO DAWGIES! That is SUCH my weakness: a well done kiss (or kisses) on the neck. What's even more awesome is that he will suck, like I'm going to get a hickey (anyone feel like they're in high school again with that word?) but yet I have NO marks on me. *ooh shiver* One of my favorite things ever is to suck on bottom lips and I love it when it's reciprocated. He caught onto that trick fast. And, while I love the passion involved in making out, I also love to change the pace of things too, and do quick little kisses, and kisses on the cheek and forehead. Caught onto that too. It's just that much nicer when the guy you're making out with is a quick study and can adapt so that your kissing styles mesh. [one fun side note--guy told mutual friend (the birthday girl) that I'm a great kisser. tee hee]
So...yes, I've been making out, a lot. And, some of these incidences have not involved a sober Amy. But, there has been no taking advantage of, I assure you. Perhaps it's a little soon for me to be doing anything like this, with anyone, but at the same time...it has been SO long since I felt like anyone felt I was attractive or worth kissing or anything. The last time I went to go visit Justin, we hardly kissed at all (after awhile, I started to feel like he thought I'm a bad kisser, and there's not greater blow to the ego). And, I also felt like well, I got a pity fuck during that trip. Yeah, really felt the love, lemme tell you.
As for what's going on now...I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I'm looking to get out of this. I know that moving into an actual relationship with anyone right now would be DUMB. But, I also know myself well enough to realize that I'm not very good at separating attraction from emotion. So, how long I can keep this on a purely physical level, I don't know. And, I don't know what guy is thinking or wanting to get out of this either, but I know I don't want to hurt him. He DOES know the basics about Justin and I, so it's not like he went into this situation blind. And, guy is really nice and really funny. And, maybe I just need a transitional type of thing right now. I think part of my problem is that at 28, I have the mindset that anybody I date or whatever, should be a possible marriage contender. And maybe that's a foolhardy mindset to be in. Whatever...
I just know that right now I feel really really damn hot, and sometimes hot and bothered. And if and when I decide to sleep with this guy, it'll be because I'm ready to do so (either b/c I'm ready to get some, or I'm ready to, in the other more-than-physical sense).
Anyone have any idea how I bring up my musings about what we're doing, exactly, to guy though? I thought about sending him a questionnaire thru MySpace about it, like this...
"When talking about me to someone else, you refer to me as:
a) this hot girl I'm dating
b) this hot girl I'm seeing (a lower level of exclusivity is implied here)
c) this hot girl I'm friends with/hanging out with
d) this hot girl I'm making out with
e) this hot girl I'm trying to get into bed'
See? I think that's kinda funny...but, I probably will just grow a pair and bring it up the next time we're hanging out. Saturday night he had me over for supper--he made homemade chicken noodle soup and we split a bottle of wine. We then went over to his friends' house to watch football and UFC. Friday night we watched Grey's Anatomy at his place (he hasn't come over to my place yet, b/c for me that's more vulnerable AND my apt is a COMPLETE pit) b/c he DVR'd Thursdays episode for me. So, we've been hanging out quite a bit. We watched Heroes last wk together (I LOVE this show), and tonight's episode looks kick-ass but I'm not sure if I'm going over there or what...
So, for now I'm muddling through on the glow that I like this guy and I sure like how he makes me feel, but beyond that, I'm not sure what I think. But, I think I'm going to think s'more about how he kisses my neck, b/c that's certainly better than thinking about work while I'm at work.
C'iao!
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