That is the question. Well, specifically THIS is the question: do I send this email to Justin's mom? Or, not? Currently it's saved in my Saved Drafts box. It can be deleted or sent onward. I really need EVERYONE's advice. Please, what do you think? What would you do? How would you react if you were his mom? If you were him?
Justin doesn't know that I'm emailing you. As we haven't been talking much lately, I don't know if I'll end up telling him about this or not. And, because it sounds like you're the only other person he does talk to about stuff, you probably know we haven't been talking much. But, anyway, that's not really why I'm writing.
I'm worried about him. Ever since he's moved, he's just seemed so lost. It seems like it's gotten worse too, this lost-ness, these past frew months. And, right now I think he's more than just a little unhappy--I think he's depressed. The last time we talked he said he's just been so tired all the time and all he wants to do is sleep. From someone who has dealt with depression off and on, that's one of the key signs. And, he's not happy. And I don't know what it will take or what he needs to be happy. At one time I thought at I was a part of the him being happy part. Now, I'm not so sure. (primarily because he's not sure. Don't get me wrong, I love him. I love him so much. But, I can't be the only one in the relationship who's in love) What I do know is that jumping around from job to job can't be helping the situation. And, holding out hope that there's the complete perfect job out there seems counterproductive. There's going to be stuff wrong and stuff that sucks at every job. But, sometimes, the way he talks, it's like he thinks that perfect job is out there. And, sometimes some of the stuff he gets upset about, related to work, seems so minor, in the grand scheme of things. If money is what's TRULY important, than it seems to me a person is going to have to put up with more than a little bit of crap, b/c the high paying jobs and the REALLY high paying jobs tend to have crap associated with them. Of course, I'm looking at things from my perspective and hell, I want to be a teacher. Sometimes a very thankless job with a LOT of crap, and very little pay on top of that crap.
I don't know...I guess I'm writing b/c I think that Justin needs help more than he's willing to admit--even to himself. And, I really wish he'd talk to Michael about how he feels, especially when it comes to the fact that he feels out of place down there & he moved down there b/c he wanted to be close to them in the first place. I'm just worried that the way he's going now, he's never going to be happy, b/c he just seems to find things that aren't right. And, he's only seemingly looking at the little things, rather than the big picture. I don't know what things were like for him at OPPD. I met him about 2 wks before he quit and then our first two months together (which were fantastic--the best first 2 months of a relationship I've EVER had), he didn't have a job. So, I'm not sure what things were like there at OPPD. Or what he's like when he's been happy at a job, or has stayed in a job for more than a few months at a time. But, it seemed to me that there may have been things wrong with it, but the pay was damn good and allowed him to do things he wanted to do--like have a nice house and a nice truck and the money and the time off to visit you, and Michael & co, and all of that (what I think of as) bigger picture stuff that TRULY makes a person happy. And that stuff is stuff that does make him happy and he wishes he did have the money to do. But again, I don't know what it was like. I really wish we would have met each other earlier, even just a few months earlier. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so helpless and would understand better what's going on with him. Maybe I would feel like I'd be able to help. And, granted I've got my own set of issues right now, but I hate knowing he's like this and I just want him to be happy. Even if that means that he's happy and that happy doesn't include me. And eventually includes someone else.
I just want him to look at the big picture I guess, and when we're on the phone, it's like he puts up these walls and I can't talk to him. Or he won't talk to me.
So, maybe he'll talk to you, REALLY talk to you...I hope so.
Ok, I have to get to bed. I have class at 8am. I hope things are going well w/ you and Jim up there.
--Amy
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4 comments:
I would be too scared to send it to M's mom...but that's just me. If you feel like you need to send it, I say do it - but if you just needed to write it out and now feel better, I'd say don't send it.
Yeah, dear, I think I'm with wiccachicky on this one. At least, I think you could pare it down some, unless you talk to them like this all the time. It sort of seems like a lot to dump on her. But you could maybe write that you're worried about Justin because you've seen the signs, and you know that things are awkward between the two of you but you're still concerned so you wanted to make sure mom knew what was up? Which is still a lot... I dunno. Not helpful, I know!
If it was me, I'd trim it down and just let her now that you're worried about him - like Linda said.
You my girl, are one of the strongest people I know. Seriously.
Wow, I don't even know what to say. I know this post is late, and you have probably done what you are going to do, but I have to agess with Wiccachicky. If I were to send it I would simplify and leave out alot of the details, just so she is not bombarded all at once.
I am sorry that you are going thru all of this. *hugs*
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