Ow

I'm most likely undoing any positive effects I got from my chair massage tonight b/c of my crappy posture right now. *sigh* Oh well.

I went to a Girls Night thing at the place I get my haircut. My stylist was actually the one giving the chair massages. I also got false eyelashes put on (FUN!), my eyemakeup done, and got a bunch of sample goodies. And, I bought some stuff too. Trying (as always) to find the perfect prodcuts to tame my frizzy curly mane.

The chair massage was the best part though, and the main reason I went. I've been stressed out LOTS lately w/ work and school and everything else going on, I've felt more than a little frazzled. And, because I'm feeling cagey right now, I'm not going to elaborate on my stress, but instead I'm going to blog about something else.

I'm really lucky to have the friends I do. And yes, I bemoan the fact that they all live in other places (although I'm good friends w/ some of my coworkers--but it's mostly the type of friendship you have at work & rarely translates to hanging out outside of the office, but anyway...), but truly, I'm so glad they're a part of my life. And, the past few days when all I've been wanting to do is curl up into a ball and cry, they've been there.

Ex: Wiccachicky--she and I had a long talk last night about my situations and she kept worrying that she wasn't helping. But, she does. She always does--she just helps in different ways than my other friends. She's the one who will tell me what I need to do to figure out how to make things better. She's the one that has the answers (even if they're not always the ones that I want to hear). She's the one who better puts my screwed up feelings into words and tells me to stick up for myself.

Then, Erica is the one who has all the sympathy and listens and tries to reassure and smooth things over. She's the one who responds very much the way I respond to friends in need (except lately I've had no good advice whatsoever--just my listening ear & my empathy). Erica also will distract me & change the subject when I need it (whether I realize it or not)

And Kittie is a combo of both. I really needed all of them, and for their specific reasons/purposes (which kinda sounds silly, but it's true). It's hard though, a lot of times, for me to ask my friends to help or to listen, when I really need it. So many times I worry about everyone else's feelings that my own go by the wayside. I don't bottle things up exactly, I just don't let myself think about it or acknowledge it or whatever. Over the years I've gotten really good at lying to myself about how I really feel and I think it's to the point that I'd have to go to therapy to unlearn that skill. And, especially when I'm worrying about how others feel, and going the extra mile for my friends, it's hard for me to ask them to be there for me. It's one thing to whine or bitch about something--it feels like it's entirely different to call them crying b/c of something that feels so horrible and crappy.

Anyway...now that I've blogged about all that, I'm going to go take my fake eyelashes off and remove all my eyemakeup too. I feel a little bit gunky right now actually. A clean face is EXACTLY what I need. :-D