That old Bangles song is currently on & it couldn't be more appropriate for today.
There's nothing like hearing that your car's brakes are almost completely gone (yup, wore completely THROUGH the rotor even, on the front passenger side) & it's gonna cost $260 to fix it at 9 a.m. on a Monday. It's even better when you're 27 & don't have that kinda extra cash (b/c you're completely strapped) & have to borrow it from your parents, making you feel like an uber loser.
Yup, that's where I'm at today. Throwing myself a pity party b/c of my lack of bank. I HATE having to borrow money from my folks. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO glad to have them around & SO lucky that I can do that: I know that. I just wish that I didn't HAVE to.
To be completely honest (w/ you lovely readers & even with myself) part of the reason I'm nervous about the idea of moving to AZ is because then I'd be basically forced to be completely independent. Yes, including financially. I've not been able to do that yet, since I've graduated college. I've been able to pay bills, but anytime I've had something big come up, like car repair, I've had to rely on the Bank of Mom & Dad for that stuff. And it's getting to be humiliating. Moving to Arizona would definitely mean I'd need to rely on me, b/c I would feel bad/awful relying on Justin, like that, to bail me out of such situations. And, I know that, ultimately, that would be good for me. The distance would perhaps finally push me into adult status, instead of this grownup kid thing I still have going on.
And that terrifies me.
Not to mention the fact that I've lived in this state MY WHOLE LIFE. I've only ever briefly imagined living other places (and AZ wasn't exactly one of them). In high school I wanted to live in MN. Then for awhile I briefly entertained the notion of IA or KS. My aunt & uncle keep trying to convince me to move to TX. So, what I'm saying is that like many others, the idea of the unknown is a BIT intimidating.
However, that's not to say that I'm not excited by the idea of a move. I'm really trying to aproach all this w/ an open mind. And, I'm so restless in this city without Justin, which makes me think, in my gut, that moving is what I need to do. Maybe it will finally push me toward where I need to go (which is some place I've NOT quite figured out yet...but I think I'm getting there)
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3 comments:
WOW! It's like I am reading my own life! Car troubles, no bank, Mom and Dad helping here and there, do I move? What am I doing with my life? Gosh!!! It's so comforting to hear that someone else is going thru the same type stuff! Makes me feel like less of an "uber loser" as you say. Don't worry Amy! We'll figure it out! If it makes you feel any better: Arizona does sound pretty cool:)AND anyplace is good when you are with the one you love:)
Hey, if it makes you feel better, I still ask my parents for money from time to time. Things like black mold, a new exhaust system, etc., sometimes strech beyond ANYONE's means, especially when you're single. Don't beat yourself up over it.
oh yeah totally know what you are talking about.. I try not to borrow too.. My mom likes to use it in fights and for guilt trips. i haven't had to borrow in a long time.
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