End of the month

It's been 134 days since it rained in Arizona. That's also the same number of days it's been that Justin has lived down there and not here. I keep teasing him that it's his fault it hasn't rained. Apparently today there's "a big cloud" on the western horizon and the humidity has increased. Today, maybe, just maybe, it might rain. However, that doesn't change the fact that he's still there. And I'm still up here. And we're still so far apart that sometimes I physically feel pain.

However, as Wiccachicky so eloquently put it (much better than I), at least I'm not at a funeral today. Which is good...I hate funerals.

But, still, I feel stress. Mostly b/c it's the end of the month. This is worst time ever at my job: I have to have contacted all of my kids/matches by the end of eacg month. With a short month like February, it sucks even more. If I've seen them in person either this month or the month before then I don't need to talk to them. However, I still have a list 2 pages & 2 columns per page of kids I need to call. GAH! This is when I hate my job. Not to mention when I actually have matches who have issues. Bugger.

What's crappier is that the last few days I've been really down again. Totally not felt like blogging about anything, especially anything related to me. Too draining. (oy: Ever the Same by Rob Thomas is on...this song always makes me want to curl into a little ball...) I feel as if all the pieces have broken again, even the ones I patched back together. And, every time I try to pick them up, they slip out of my hands like soap in the shower. Things I can't hold onto. Half the time I don't even want to try, it just feels too hard. And so I have mornings like this morning, where I hit snooze for almost 2 hrs & then finally get up, only because I have to go to work.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Day in day out.

At least tomorrow it's the beginning of a new month. And, I'm not at a funeral.